Lucinda Aku Acquaye

Dear Aku,
I’ve been in a relationship for the past year or so. Everything seem to be going on fine but on about three occasions, the girl opened up and told me that she likes me because am a good person but she doesn't find me attractive enough. She said she's being struggling with this ever since we met. She said that even when i touch her she doesn't feel anything. Yet she is afraid to let go. What do you think? Does she really love me or just using me?

                                   -Gibbs-

Dear Gibbs,
Every ounce of my body wants me to tell you to run in the opposite direction.  A few things in your statement worry me. “On about three occasions…but she doesn’t find me attractive.”  How did you react the first time to make her feel that it was appropriate to tell you this again?  Sometimes because we like a person or are afraid of missing out on a good thing, we put ourselves in compromising positions that allow us to be treated like “less than.”  It’s okay if she doesn’t find you attractive as she is entitled to her own opinion, but, why do you stay with her if you know she isn’t attracted to you? 

Yes, there are more things to a relationship than being physically attracted to a person.  However, if it has gotten to a point where she a) Feels the need to verbalize her lack of attraction, and b) It’s causing her to “struggle” with her emotions, then why is she still with you? I do believe there are more ways to be attractive to a person than merely physical, but since you preface by saying she doesn’t “feel anything when you touch her,” I am going to assume she’s referring to physical attraction.  Therefore, I believe you are correct in thinking that she may have some ulterior motives for staying with you.  Out of desperate attempts to win her heart have you been trying to buy her attraction? Do you adorn her with gifts? Perhaps you allow her to say demeaning things to you all with fears that defending yourself will “push her away.”  Nonetheless, especially if you’re the good guy she states that you are, then you deserve better. Why spend time waiting for her to change her mind about you when there are multitudes of women out here waiting to find a good person like you?

She is “afraid to let you go.” Spare her the difficult task and do it for her.

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