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Why Can’t We Be Friends?
The Nature of Platonic Relationships
By Tricia Ferdinand                                                                                    

I do not remember exactly when I decided that it was almost impossible for me to maintain a strictly platonic relationship with someone of the opposite sex, but I am now somewhat of a staunch believer that male/female platonic relationships are almost always doomed to succumb to (what to me) seems inevitable: romantic feelings.

I may, from personal experience of course, be a bit jaded. After all, I do have a few close male associates whom I consider friends, not only because I can have a good time talking to them but because we share details of our lives with each other, details about triumphs and downfalls and our dreams and fears (which is the true test of friendship for me). These male friends, however, have not all started out simply as friends. I became involved with them at different times in one way or another, either before we truly became close friends or sometimes, as is often the case, after we had already established a friendship. In either situation a relationship that began in one place often ended up in a significantly different place than it started.

Still, many people certainly believe that it truly is possible to maintain a relationship with someone of the opposite sex with absolutely no romantic feelings on either side, and though I tend to remain a little skeptical (there is the chance, of course, that one person in the friendship harbors feelings for the other without that person’s awareness, a la the Joey Potter syndrome from Dawson’s Creek), I often wonder if my belief is a possible sign of my own relationship immaturity. Perhaps I haven’t reached a place in my life yet where I can deal with platonic relationships, neither my own nor ones that my significant other may have, in a successfully mature way?

Successful romantic relationships should naturally be built on trust, and since you may find yourself in a situation where your significant other has one or more close friends of the opposite sex you may find that you have to trust more than ever. Luckily there are ways to avoid a potentially messy and painful argument:

Be Honest About Your Concerns
The biggest problem with a lack of trust and jealousy is the fact that it rarely gets spoken about in an honest and upfront manner. Instead, passive aggressive actions like the silent treatment or exceedingly ill-tempered comments can result when your boyfriend receives a phone call from one of his female friends. Instead, without accusing or judging, indicate how you feel about your boyfriend’s relationship with his friend. There should be no ultimatums, no threats or explosive behavior; simply a conversation about how the relationship makes you feel, and what specific things about it may concern you. If your significant other truly cares about the way you feel then he will make the appropriate adjustments to that relationship.

Befriend The Friend
If you feel up to it, make it a point to be friendly with the friends (both same sex and different sex) of your significant other. More than likely you will all be spending time together anyway, so why make these outgoings awkward by being frosty or standoffish? Enjoy yourself, relax and treat your partner’s friends like your own. Chances are you will be much more comfortable with the relationship if you know the person and what they are liable to do or say. Even more importantly, your partner as well as his friends will appreciate the extra effort you are making to meet and befriend the people in your partner’s life.

Extend Your Trust
When it’s all said and done, you have no real idea what may or may not happen between your significant other and a friend of the opposite sex. You cannot guarantee that your worst fears will not be realized. At the same time, you should definitely not assume the worst. Extend your trust, and tell your significant other you are doing so. At the end of the day that kind of attitude releases you from undue stress and worry, and allows you to focus on other things. At the same time, letting your partner know that you care about them and trust them is an extension of your love for your partner. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

No doubt platonic relationships can be rewarding. The key is being honest with yourself, as well as with your significant other. Whether you are with someone who has a friend of the opposite sex, or you have a friend of the opposite sex yourself you need to be keenly aware of what (and who) it is you want in your life and act accordingly.