Intimacy: Just About Sex or is There More to it?

intimacy - couple staring at each other

Intimacy can be emotional, intellectual, spiritual and yes, physical. We might not get all four of them at once, but we can work towards cooking up and nurturing the following four components of intimacy in our romantic relationships.

Know thy own self and communicate this with your partner

The emotional connection of intimacy requires secure knowing of one’s self. What makes you happy? What do you need in order to feel emotionally secure in relationships? What are some of your emotional triggers? How do you want your partner to hold you emotionally? Meaning, how do you want he/she to listen, speak to and connect with you? If you know and connect with your own emotional self, communicating and bringing this self to your relationship will help nurture the emotional intimacy between you and your partner.

The mind is truly a terrible thing to waste in romantic relationship

When couples are not able to connect with each other intellectually, the nurturing of your connection and love become stale and boring. You and your partner have to be able to influence and challenge each other intellectually. Are you able to challenge your partner on his/her views? Can he or she challenge your views? Do you add to the knowledge of your partner? Does the intellect of your partner attract you? Having a partner who is able to stretch your thinking and view of the world moves your level of intimacy and connection to your partner to a new level. Intellectual stimulation is sexy and much needed for love to grow.

Being able to connect with your partner beyond the physical is critical to nurturing the intimacy in relationship.

The spiritual connection between you and your partner I believe is the core of your relationship. How important is it to you that your partner share similar spiritual beliefs and practices with you? Is it important to you that you and your partner pray and/or meditate together? Does it matter if your partner is spiritual or religious or both? What part of your spiritual self are you comfortable sharing with your partner and which part are you not? And why? Being able to securely open up and share the innermost part of yourself with your partner allows he or she to see both the strengths and areas of improvement in you. Building and nurturing spiritual intimacy in relationships take courage and humility. So, personally, what do you need to enhance spiritual intimacy in your relationships with your partner?

Physical intimacy can be soft or hard petting, cuddling, kissing and sitting in silence while touching or holding each other.

It can be even “that look”  or the smile or sharing a great laughter together over something silly. Physical intimacy can be all of the above and yes, sex can be a part of it or not! You and your partner have to know what you both desire individually and together as a couple when it comes to physical intimacy. You have to ask yourself: How do I feel comfortable expressing physical love to my partner and what do I need from my partner physically? Ask your partner similar questions: How does he or she feel comfortable expressing physical love to you and what does he or she need from you physically? You both have to be clear on these questions for yourself and make sure that you honestly and courageously communicate with one another about your physical desires, wants and needs.

To spice up the emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical intimacy in your relationship, each week, identify 3 or 4 ways that you or your partner arouse each other emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and physically. To nurture your intimacy make sure you communicate verbally and physically in these ways with each other.