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The Nature of a Crush:
How to Feel Like a Teen Again Without Being One
By Tricia Ferdinand

I have rarely liked people my own age. When I was a teenager I saw Mel Gibson (in his youthful, good-looking stage) in the first Lethal Weapon movie. I was smitten and from then on I made it a point to find pictures of him on the Internet, print them out and paste them into notebooks. Later on, I began to get the cute, little butterfly feeling in my stomach whenever I walked into my Algebra teacher’s classroom. He was probably about twice my age back then but I thought he was the most handsome, intelligent Algebra teacher on the planet (despite the fact that I both despised Algebra and was not doing very well in his class). It was only when I went to college that I discovered that I could like boys my age and that having a crush on a classmate or a friend or the cute boy in the dorm across the street was as normal as losing your baby teeth. It happened to everyone. But the real life crushes, the ones you can see and smell and (maybe only if you were lucky) touch, I soon realized were the most poignant, the most delicious but perhaps the most torturous of all.

People describe crushes in different ways. Some call it a mixture of excitement and anxiety. Others describe it as a hugely powerful emotion, one that can almost become overwhelming. Mostly it is an enjoyable, though sometimes unexpected feeling. Truthfully, though, there is a bit of discomfort that also comes with having a crush, as evidenced by the terms “anxiety” and “overwhelming.” Like any emotion, crushes can sometimes feel all-consuming. There is the constant thinking about that person, the vague hope that maybe if you walk by their room one more time you would see him sitting at his desk, or if you sat just a little longer at your computer you might see him online. You try to think of ways to spend all of your free time with them, even if that means shirking important responsibilities. You concoct ridiculous and impossible scenarios involving places neither you nor your crush has ever been to in your lives, but somehow you both manage to be there at the same time.  You stare at your phone as though expecting it to do something miraculous, like teleport your crush directly into your room, and if by chance it happens to ring, you hope, with both eyes closed, that it is the person you want it to be. If you let it, particularly as a younger individual, having a crush can consume you in a way that is altogether unhealthy.

Luckily, I managed to grow out of most of my crushes without any serious damage, and at my age I never much expect to have crushes anymore. The truth is, though, that is in the nature of a crush to be sneaky and unexpected, to crop up at a time when you are least expecting it, to make you act like you were in junior high or high school or college again. The good thing about a crush this time around is that you can hopefully deal with it a little better than you may have during your formative years.

Some quick words of advice:

Do Not Fight the Feeling
Crushes are, for the most part, harmless and can genuinely be an eye opener. Perhaps you thought you were too old, or too experienced with relationships to feel what it is to like someone innocently and without expectation. Enjoy that feeling. Make it no bigger or smaller than it is.

Have No Expectations
In direct relation to the last point, have no preconceived notions about what your crush could be. As with much of life, many things happen on their own accord naturally and in its own time. Hold no beliefs, no aspirations about the nature of the relationship (or lack thereof).

Maintain Control
Part of the problem with crushes is the lack of control you feel you have over your emotions, and to some extent even your actions. While emotions can sometimes make you feel the need to do or say certain things, retaining a certain amount of logic about the reality of your situation is wise. No one wants to be considered a stalker, after all.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are crushing on someone just sit back and enjoy the ride. Embrace what it was like to be young and carefree, while at the same time acknowledge that now you are able to think and act just a little wiser.