Living (Your?) Dreams

It is the innate desire of every human to seek his or her happiness in relationships, careers, finances or other aspects of life. Ambition is a unique drive that keeps a person going through adversities, trials, and setbacks. The problem is, whose dream are you seeking to reach? Yours or someone else’s?

There is nothing more inspiring than observing the ambition of a youth who is planning his or her life. Children are encouraged to “Dream big,” and their parents are impressed by their lofty goals and aspirations. We can all probably remember what we wanted to be when we were growing up. However, over time, things change, and many of us encounter confusion regarding lifelong occupations. This confusion can come from many areas: change of interest, self-discovery, and influence from others.

In regard to influence from others, children are often influenced by their parents in their choice of profession; this is often very true within African cultures. In the eyes of many African families there is a handful of respectable professions, and most parents prefer that their children enter those professions. Some of these occupations, physician or lawyer, are chosen primarily for their financial benefit and the resulting prestige.  However, whenever this is the case, the child is deprived of his or her personal ambition, and a job that he or she truly loves. Parents often steer their children in a certain direction to ensure their future prosperity. They do this out of love, but it comes at the expense of the child’s happiness. Which is much important?

It is important to choose a job based on what you are called to do. When you finally are in that job you were meant to be in, you will know. Instead of living your parents’ dream, you must live yours. After all, you are the one who will be living it.

Tags: choice of prefession, lifelong occupations, living dreams, self-discovery

Higher Rates of Disease Among African Women: How Does it Affect our Lives?

This semester, I have been taking a Health Principles class which discusses various  issues and practices  useful for living a healthier lifestyle. The term paper for this class involves a family tree of diseases with report on the most prevalent one. As someone attending a historically black university, the results of this assignment was a dismal informal study on the health condition of families of African descent. Upon asking my classmates about their findings, I heard all of them report diabetes and high blood pressure (hypertension) in their families for generations. Sadly, this is only the beginning of the matter.

The United States Department for Health and Human Services reports that African Americans have higher rates of certain diseases and early death than whites. African American women are also twice as likely to develop diabetes as Caucasian women of the same age. The leading causes of death among African American women are heart disease, stroke, cancer, and kidney disease. Also, African Americans contract sexually transmitted diseases at higher rates, to the point where among women, two out of every three HIV cases are African Americans.  These are only a few statistics that show that African women have a major struggle in regard to health.

There are many possible explanations for this unfortunate phenomenon. But there is a very noticeable pattern among these diseases in that they are all “lifestyle diseases,” meaning that lifestyle decisions affect the likelihood of a person developing a particular disease. Our diet, sexual choices, and other decisions we make will contribute to our health conditions in the future. As African women I think we must do ourselves a service by taking care of ourselves, both for our sakes and for our loved ones.

Tags: african health conditions, african women health, lifestyle diseases

When Your Loved Ones are Overseas – Dealing With Homesickness

Being an international student tends to brood some of the loneliest situations a person could experience. During this period, one is usually presented with culture shock, the challenge of developing meaningful friendships and entering a confusing world simultaneously. It is difficult to spend years away from home, family and lifelong friends in a strange, unfamiliar and intimidating environment. Some of these situations eventually progress into depression, a far too common occurrence on college campuses.

The boundary of separation amongst students with families overseas is much stronger than those who may have arrived from distant cities or states throughout a country. Simple phone calls for international students are almost always more expensive due to the distance, exacting shorter phone conversations with families.  An additional layer to the problem is that international students quite often cannot afford to visit families during breaks; for many of these students, college is the first time they have been separated from their families for such a long period of time.

Dealing with the loneliness of extreme homesickness is difficult, but very possible. The key is to be proactive. Situations involving loneliness and separation are easily improved with a positive outlook. There is an equation that states: an Outcome is equal to an Event plus a person’s Response (E+R=O). In this instance, response is essential. It would be very helpful to make the most out of the college experience by building meaningful friendships, getting involved in on-campus activities and pursuing personal interests. These may not replace family relationships, but they can occupy your time and help keep your mind off homesickness. Sacrifice always brings a reward, and being far away from home to establish a great life is no exception.

Tags: dealing with loneliness, family relationships, international students, interntional student homesickness

African fashion on campus: Dress Proud and be a Sore Thumb?

In a western society, on a college campus, one can easily stand out by wearing traditional clothing. Muslim burqas, Jewish headwear, and African traditional attire can surely attract a double-take in certain settings. They make powerful statements and carry a sense of pride for the wearer’s culture. Many people also love to see traditional outfits because they provide a glimpse of the beauty spread across our world. However, there are situations in which wearing traditional clothing may not always benefit the wearer. Often, people discriminate against those who wear traditional clothing, regardless of the culture.

The U.S. Equal Employment Commission  describes this type of discrimination as: “Harassing or otherwise discriminating because of physical, cultural, or linguistic characteristics, such as accent or dress associated with a particular religion, ethnicity, or country of origin.” Many times people label those who wear traditional clothing and harass or discriminate against them. These actions are wrong, and in most cases illegal. If you are ever discriminated against, especially in the workplace, please contact your local agency to have them pursue  proper legal course of action.

As with all things, wearing traditional clothing in a public setting has a two-sided effect. It demonstrates pride for your culture, and allows you to more strongly represent your roots. On the other side, it can encourage discrimination and unpleasant behavior. Ultimately, the choice is yours to make. Do the drawbacks outweigh the advantages for your current situation?  Does it really matter to you? The issue of clothing is trivial at best, and if there are any problems between you and others, take time to ponder the situation. You will most likely find that the issue lies not with the dress, but with the culture it represents.

Tags: african fashion, african fashion on campus, issue of clothin on campus, tradition clothing discrimination

When Nobody on Campus Looks Like You

In the documentary “Bronx Princess,” a young college student, Rockyatu Otoo, narrates the story of her transition from high school to college. In a video on the documentary’s website (www.bronxprincess.com), Otoo admits to her surprise of going to school and meeting very few people who looked like her. Unfortunately, many African students tend to have a similar experience and share the same difficulties as Otoo.  

Being one of few Africans in any given setting can be quite intimidating. In a sense, whenever one or few persons form a minority before a majority, they play a role of representing their group, whether or not they desire to. In the famous article “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack,” Peggy McIntosh succinctly corroborates this when she says: “I am never asked to speak for all the people of my racial group.” In essence, this intimidation and representation of one’s own race is only experienced by the minority.

The achievement gap found between blacks and whites, especially in the United States, tends to exacerbate the situation. According to a feature by Inside Higher Ed (Click here for article), “Barely two in five Black and Hispanic freshmen earn their bachelor’s degree six years after enrolling in college compared to 60 percent of whites.” This achievement gap often causes others to place a low estimate on black students, which adds to the complexity of college.

In the documentary “Bronx Princess,” Otoo grew accustomed to the new environment by junior year through her involvement in various organizations, which helped to build a considerable network of people. This did not only consist of those with whom she shared the same background, but also others of a different heritage who could relate to her experience and shared common interests.

Are you or someone you know feeling intimidated in college or any other unfamiliar setting? Remember that it helps to reach out to others. Our differences are mostly superficial and deep inside we are all the same created in God’s image. What is your experience?

Tags: african students, black and white achievement gap, bronx princess, peggy mcintosh, rockyatu otoo

Is There a “Glass Ceiling” for College Too?

Our current age has shown much growth in the realm of equality, but one of the unfortunate exceptions is the existence of the “glass ceiling.”  This invisible but powerful obstacle is one of the most persistent monuments to the former days of sexism and misogyny. If you are unfamiliar with the term, it is defined by the Business Dictionary as “Invisible but real barrier through which the next stage or level of advancement can be seen, but cannot be reached by a section of qualified and deserving employees.” When this term is used, it most often refers to a denial of upward progress due to gender. According to the United States Federal Glass Ceiling Commission, 95%  to 97% of the senior managers at Fortune 100 companies are white males, even though 57% of the workforce is female, ethnic minorities, or both. The disparity is very apparent in the corporate world, but does this same gap exist on our college campuses?

In an article in the Chronicle of Higher Education (click here), Robert Drago examines the existence of the academic “glass ceiling.” In this piece, he refers to a 2005 incident at Harvard University, where the institution’s  president stated that “relatively few young women were prepared to make the ‘near total commitments to their work’ required of successful academics.” And that “men may hold a biological advantage in the pursuit of science and engineering careers.”  The fact that a president of one of the world’s leading universities can say that is strong evidence in favor of a “glass ceiling” even in higher education. This is also proven by the fact that the vast majority of female professors are given contingent positions, which provide  less pay, fewer benefits, and less job security. This means that more men are given prestigious tenure positions,  giving them an advantage to obtain leadership positions such as presidencies. In the world of higher education, it is still very much a “man’s world.”

These facts are very sobering, but there is a silver lining. The first step to solving a problem is to realize it. Therefore, if we work our hardest, and continue to demonstrate skill, it is my belief that the ‘glass ceiling’ will be shattered both in the corporate world and on campus. The power of education and discipline will surely overpower all discrimination and unfairness.

Tags: academic glass ceiling, class ceiling, glass ceiling in college, robert drago

It’s Really Time for you to Get Married, Etcetera

Young adulthood, in my opinion, is the best time of anyone’s life. That great feeling of independence, a new life of your own and all of the energy and prime of youth at your disposal makes it exciting!  This period, however, is often darkened by persistent pressure from parents, relatives and others to get married, advance in school or establish a profession.   The pressure, usually in the form of  the statements: “You really need to settle down,” or “Now that you’re almost done with college, what are you going to do next?” tend to heavily weigh down on recipients emotionally.

It is overwhelming when expectations of others are placed upon your shoulders. Many of us seek to please our parents, often to repay them for their sacrifice, and in other cases, out of fear. The desire to please one’s parents is not wrong in itself. In fact it is biblical as Exodus 20:12 states: “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you” (NIV).  But seeking to please your parents should not be at the expense of fulfilling your purpose.

The bottom line is that each person has a calling to fulfill. We will never have true happiness until we carry out that calling, regardless of our income. God has a timeline for each person, and no two people have the same destiny for their lives. When we live our lives to fulfill our purpose, and not our parents’, we reach a place of  peace and find great happiness in our lives.

Tags: challenges in young adulthood, fulfill your purpose, fulfilling your purpose, young adulthood

Balancing Femininity While Asserting Yourself

It is often said in conversation that an aggressive woman is unattractive. A woman who is pushy and loud generally has a difficult time maintaining a healthy relationship. At the same time, a passive woman, often considered a “pushover,” also faces challenges within a relationship because she doesn’t express her feelings and desires. Much like the children’s story “Goldilocks,” men do not want women who are “too hot” or “too cold.” 

So what would be considered “just right”? Balance is the key, and in this situation, the balance between aggressiveness and passiveness is known as assertiveness. The LIVESTRONG Foundation in an article defines assertiveness as “Where the rights of both parties are recognized, respected and utilized in reaching a healthy compromise.” This kind of assertiveness is essential for any healthy relationship, whether it be dating, friendship or professional interaction. The balance between aggressive behavior that is disrespectful to others and a passive behavior that is disrespectful to yourself is to be assertive, where you acknowledge the rights of others, while standing up for your own rights.

Many times, women fail to stand up for themselves because they believe that they will no longer be perceived as a “woman” and may appear unattractive. Remember that if you don’t respect yourself nobody will respect you. Any person, be it a boyfriend, husband, friend or co-worker who expects you to forfeit your rights to him/her is not acting in your best interest. Assertiveness is the key to a balanced relationship, where issues are genuinely resolved and an understanding can be reached. Share your thoughts with me.

Tags: asserting yourself, balanced relationship, balancing femininity, being assertive, maintaining a healthy relationship

Interracial Relationships: What’s the Big Deal?

CNN featured a story last week (click here for full story) about a Justice of the Peace who refused to give a marriage license to a couple because they were of different races. Similarly in the African community, people are critical of those who marry outside of their race. Such folks are often viewed oddly as though they had some sort of deformity; the assumption is that the person may be ashamed of his/her race among other reasons.

To analyze this from a biblical perspective, let us glance at one Scripture, Matthew 19:6. Jesus said, “What God has put together, let not man separate,” (NIV). The preamble of the United States Constitution states that “All men are created equal,” and this is true. Our differences are only skin deep and they leave our hearts untouched. Therefore, men and women of all races are equally equipped to love, to care and to marry. People may have their opinions, beliefs, and biases, but in the end, it is God’s opinion that matters. Isaiah 55:9 says, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

I truly believe that God has given everyone the right to marry whomever they see fit. I pray that you will stand your ground for the man or woman you love, no matter what color his or her skin happens to be, and I am confident that God will be proud of your act of love.

Tags: african community, biblical perspective on interracial dating, interracial dating, interracial reationships

A Woman’s Worth: The Beauty Controversy – Part 2

In last week’s blog, “The Beauty Controversy Part 1,” I pointed out that there is a problem in mainstream media that claims a woman’s beauty and value are determined by the color of her skin. This grave and tragic phenomenon is only a symptom of a deeper problem: the association of human worth with beauty.

Each of us can probably tell a story about how “prettier” women receive better treatment. How many of you experienced the unfairness of a woman who was better treated in class, was more popular at work or escaped a speeding ticket because of her looks? Do you realize that school, work and law enforcement are not linked directly to beauty in any way? When a woman applies to become a model, is she first asked to provide her GPA? Modeling is directly connected to beauty, and academic performance is not. In the same way, there is a problem when physical beauty becomes a determining factor in situations that are completely unrelated to beauty.

An article from USA Today published on July 20, 2005 looks into appearance-based discrimination, specifically in the workplace. According to the research, on average, a worker described to have “below average” looks makes 9% less money than someone considered “average” looking. It also found that for women, a 1% increase in body mass brings forth a 0.6 decrease in family income. These statistics prove there is unfair treatment based on appearance.

This makes me ask the question: “How much has this affect the way I view people?” Now, ask yourself: “How do appearance, weight, and skin color affect my view of a woman? How does it affect the way I treat her?” It is not a simple task to change the glasses through which we perceive other people, but if we do, we will be able to recognize discrimination and call it by its rightful name.

Tags: beauty controversy, woman's beauty, woman's worth