Posted by admin on Oct 27, 2009 in
Uncategorized It is often said in conversation that an aggressive woman is unattractive. A woman who is pushy and loud generally has a difficult time maintaining a healthy relationship. At the same time, a passive woman, often considered a “pushover,” also faces challenges within a relationship because she doesn’t express her feelings and desires. Much like the children’s story “Goldilocks,” men do not want women who are “too hot” or “too cold.”
So what would be considered “just right”? Balance is the key, and in this situation, the balance between aggressiveness and passiveness is known as assertiveness. The LIVESTRONG Foundation in an article defines assertiveness as “Where the rights of both parties are recognized, respected and utilized in reaching a healthy compromise.” This kind of assertiveness is essential for any healthy relationship, whether it be dating, friendship or professional interaction. The balance between aggressive behavior that is disrespectful to others and a passive behavior that is disrespectful to yourself is to be assertive, where you acknowledge the rights of others, while standing up for your own rights.
Many times, women fail to stand up for themselves because they believe that they will no longer be perceived as a “woman” and may appear unattractive. Remember that if you don’t respect yourself nobody will respect you. Any person, be it a boyfriend, husband, friend or co-worker who expects you to forfeit your rights to him/her is not acting in your best interest. Assertiveness is the key to a balanced relationship, where issues are genuinely resolved and an understanding can be reached. Share your thoughts with me.
Tags: asserting yourself, balanced relationship, balancing femininity, being assertive, maintaining a healthy relationship
Posted by admin on Oct 19, 2009 in
Uncategorized CNN featured a story last week (click here for full story) about a Justice of the Peace who refused to give a marriage license to a couple because they were of different races. Similarly in the African community, people are critical of those who marry outside of their race. Such folks are often viewed oddly as though they had some sort of deformity; the assumption is that the person may be ashamed of his/her race among other reasons.
To analyze this from a biblical perspective, let us glance at one Scripture, Matthew 19:6. Jesus said, “What God has put together, let not man separate,” (NIV). The preamble of the United States Constitution states that “All men are created equal,” and this is true. Our differences are only skin deep and they leave our hearts untouched. Therefore, men and women of all races are equally equipped to love, to care and to marry. People may have their opinions, beliefs, and biases, but in the end, it is God’s opinion that matters. Isaiah 55:9 says, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
I truly believe that God has given everyone the right to marry whomever they see fit. I pray that you will stand your ground for the man or woman you love, no matter what color his or her skin happens to be, and I am confident that God will be proud of your act of love.
Tags: african community, biblical perspective on interracial dating, interracial dating, interracial reationships
Posted by admin on Oct 14, 2009 in
Uncategorized In last week’s blog, “The Beauty Controversy Part 1,” I pointed out that there is a problem in mainstream media that claims a woman’s beauty and value are determined by the color of her skin. This grave and tragic phenomenon is only a symptom of a deeper problem: the association of human worth with beauty.
Each of us can probably tell a story about how “prettier” women receive better treatment. How many of you experienced the unfairness of a woman who was better treated in class, was more popular at work or escaped a speeding ticket because of her looks? Do you realize that school, work and law enforcement are not linked directly to beauty in any way? When a woman applies to become a model, is she first asked to provide her GPA? Modeling is directly connected to beauty, and academic performance is not. In the same way, there is a problem when physical beauty becomes a determining factor in situations that are completely unrelated to beauty.
An article from USA Today published on July 20, 2005 looks into appearance-based discrimination, specifically in the workplace. According to the research, on average, a worker described to have “below average” looks makes 9% less money than someone considered “average” looking. It also found that for women, a 1% increase in body mass brings forth a 0.6 decrease in family income. These statistics prove there is unfair treatment based on appearance.
This makes me ask the question: “How much has this affect the way I view people?” Now, ask yourself: “How do appearance, weight, and skin color affect my view of a woman? How does it affect the way I treat her?” It is not a simple task to change the glasses through which we perceive other people, but if we do, we will be able to recognize discrimination and call it by its rightful name.
Tags: beauty controversy, woman's beauty, woman's worth
Posted by admin on Oct 5, 2009 in
Uncategorized All over the world and throughout history, descendants of Africa have had to demand basic human rights, fair treatment and respect from society. During this time, African women have had to fight two wars: seeking respect as Africans and also as women. During the Civil Rights movement of the 1950s and 1960s in the United States, the world witnessed black men and women treated as less than human due to their skin color. Although much has changed since then, this problem still exists today in the mainstream standards of beauty.
The axiom, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” suggests that the definition of beauty for each person is different. Sounds fair, right? The only problem is that we each get our definition of beauty from somewhere, and in most cases, it is from mainstream society.
Kiri Davis, the young woman who created the short film, “A Girl Like Me,” highlighting the difficulty black women face, even as children. In this documentary she recreated Dr. Kenneth Clark’s study and placed a “black” doll and a “white” doll in front of a child. The child chose the doll that seemed “beautiful.” Davis took the experiment even further by asking each child which doll looked more like his or herself. Fifteen out of twenty-one of those children chose the white doll over the black doll as being “pretty” or “good.”
The question is: What can we do about it? How can we raise our children, nieces, nephews, and other loved ones to be proud of the way God created them? I believe the key lies in encouraging, complimenting and educating them to be proud of who they are and where they have come from.
I would love to hear more suggestions from you. What can we do to end the days when skin color determines a woman’s beauty?
Tags: beauty controversy, dark skin, descendants of africa, doll experiment, dr kenneth clark, kiri davis, light skin