Misunderstood

Whether you were born or brought to America at a young age  I’m very sure  you have experienced the hurt of being misunderstood due to  being  caught between two cultures.  Generational and cultural differences have become some of the dominant areas of conflict between parents and children.  These difficulties tend to strain essential family relationships, topping to the already hard task of acclimating to a new country and culture. 

It hurts to be misunderstood and the pain is doubled when it involves a parent or both.  No matter how tense a relationship between parents and children get, the child arguably hurts the most – he or she grows up in confusion, not quite fitting in with Americans and failing to reach the high standards of his or her native culture.  There is also an aspect of the situation whereby a child’s actions are misinterpreted by parents as disrespectful.  This is no less true for young people from Africa.

Take me for instance. I lived in Ghana until the age of 15 and was accustomed and well set in the ways of my native culture.  Nonetheless, upon arriving in America, I encountered some conflicts between societal norms of these two cultures, Ghana and America.  For example, in American culture, intense eye contact is essential and viewed as positive.  It is, however, viewed as either rude or disrespectful in Ghana..  A child caught between these two cultures will no doubt experience the frustrations that come with having the best of both worlds: trying to discover one’s identity while pleasing   parents at the same time.  The split may end up causing confusion, stress and even identity crisis.

What is a potential solution to this problem? I believe both parents and children need to demonstrate understanding by acknowledging each other’s struggles.  As much of a learning process it is for children, it is so for parents as well. 

We must keep in mind that emigrating can also be very difficult for the parents who are less likely to adapt faster to the new system than their children. 

To the parents: there is no substitute for love.  Allow your children to be themselves, taking the best of both American and African cultures to help them make the most out of the opportunities you came to take advantage of. 

To the children: the fact that you are misunderstood does not  mean  you’re not being loved. 

Make your parents proud, and glorify God in all you do.           

Tags: africa, african cultures, cultural differences, societal norms

The dilemma of friendship

During the transition from high school or secondary school to college, one thing many students look forward to is the interesting people he or she will meet and the unique friendships that will develop as a result. However, between incidents of conflict, “drama”, and horror stories of betrayal, many unfortunately find themselves in the position of being victims of the dangers of friendship.

 I find truth in the old saying:  “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” I also find that we are often divided about this statement when it comes to relationships. Some of us agree with it and some of us don’t.  . 

I just had a rather interesting conversation with a friend recovering from a broken friendship. Her recent hurt is causing her to hold back and not open herself up to anyone ever again. How many of us often find ourselves in   similar situations seeking to protect ourselves from hurt at the expense of the wonderful relationships we are stifling?

I too can relate to this problem and to this day it is a struggle, but we must all keep in mind that God calls all of us to share His love with others. God has placed you in your current situation for a reason and part of it may be so that you can touch the lives of the people around you – your classmates and coworkers.

1 Peter 4:8 encourages: “Keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.” Continue to love, and don’t hold back. Don’t fear rejection and betrayal, for God has not given us the spirit of fear. Live a life of loving others and you will always be able to look at your past with no regrets.

Tags: broken friendship, dangers of friendship, dilemma of friendship, friendships, unique friendships

Is Your Heart Torn?

Do you find yourself somewhere in the middle trying to decide what career path to take in college?  Are you scrambling between what major to pursue as well as pleasing your parents?  Well if you answered yes to any of the above or yes to both then I can relate to you.   Through observation and personal experience, I have come to realize that quite a number of African parents have in mind career paths included, but not limited to: the medical, legal, pharmaceutical and architectural fields.  Some parents do not even desire to give their child/children the opportunity to explore other majors; it is either their way or no way.  Hence, that is where the dilemma begins.

It is understandable that parents want what is best for their children.  Also, they want to see their children establish a promising future.  All the same that should not be at the expense of their children’s well-being.  Young adults in college need to have the support of their parents no matter what.  There is nothing wrong with parents guiding and advising their children as far as career choices are concerned, but I believe there should be a certain amount of open-mindedness.  I believe that everything concerning a career path should be weighed and thoroughly discussed before arriving at any conclusions.  If that approach is taken, I am sure it will be effective for both the parents and child or children involved. 

Is your heart torn between your career desires versus your parents’ desires?  Do not fret, be of good cheer.  Pray about your dilemma and God will give you the courage and strength to endure whatever the outcome.  At the end of it all everything happens for a reason and this phase in your life will mould you into a stronger person.

Tell me about your personal experience: campusvoice@obaasema.com        

Tags: african parents, career desires, career path

Worry-Free

The life of a college student it is filled with anxieties, stress, worries and sometimes unnecessary problems.  Sometimes we allow ourselves to get overwhelmed with things beyond human control.  We fret and stress as if those will automatically change anything.  Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives us something to do, but it does not get us anywhere.  On a more personal level I can relate to the sometimes devastating habit of worrying and its negative effects. 

Unnecessary worrying, and by that I mean when we worry too much about things we have no or little control over  it can affect our health,  mindset and even sometimes our overall lives or ability to function properly on a daily basis.  As college students, when we allow worrying to take over our lives then we are at a risk of it also affecting our studies as well as  performance in school.

As human beings it is evident that worrying is inescapable, however, we can learn to effectively deal with it.  For instance, getting a bad grade on a quiz is reason enough to worry, but that will not change the fact that you did not do too well.  Instead of worrying and dwelling on the bad grade, you can figure out   ways to change in order to attain the grade you desire for the next quiz.  The above example is of a situation that is within our control.  Some of the things we as college students cannot control are the opinion of others, the impression others have of us and the difficulties that we may face in our respective dorms (if that’s our means of accommodation). Sometimes it is not easy to decipher between the things that we can change and those we cannot. That is why we need wisdom from God to be able to differentiate between those two.

Our heavenly Father does not want us to worry instead He wants us to cast all of our cares upon Him.  We need not feel like we ought to deal with all of our struggles alone.  We are children of the most High who has each one of us under His watch and care.  If the birds of the air are taken care of, how much more us who are of immense value to God? (Matthew 6:26).  Let us live our lives in the moment and enjoy the present.  The present is a gift from God that can never be duplicated.  In Christ let us live our lives worry-free. 

Tags: dealing with anxiety, ward off worry, worryfree

Earned Respect

Do you ever wonder how to obtain respect? Or you cannot seem to get the respect that you deserve? Respect cannot be demanded, but rather earned. Life has to be lived in a way that warrants respect. Respect that is given out of fear or demand is not respect at all. Two of the main ways guaranteed for one to earn respect are: respect for oneself and how one treats others.

The way you treat yourself will cause others to treat you in a similar manner. If you disrespect yourself, others will disrespect you. In the same way, if you treat yourself with respect, others will respect you. For instance, if you degrade your body, how could you expect anyone to give you the respect you deserve? If someone sees you constantly disrespecting yourself it calls for them to not bother treating you any differently. 

Treat yourself with the utmost respect and in turn others will do likewise. Even if worst comes to worst and others do not respect you, you have your self-respect.

Another way one can earn respect is by treating others the way they want to be treated. As humans we all want to be treated with respect. When others are being disrespected, they in turn lash out the same  behavior. Respect given is respect earned. It does not mean that others still will not disrespect you regardless of how you treat them. 

Do your best to treat others in the manner you would want to be treated. Respect and you in turn shall be respected.

Tags: earned respect, self-respect