What is True Love?

There is probably no bigger tragedy in the world of love than when a woman is with a man who truly does not love her. From childhood, every little girl dreams of finding her prince, “Mr. Right”, the man whom God has created for her to complete, and to complete her. Unfortunately, these fairy tales often end up as horror stories, as women are mistreated, neglected, abused and often left looking for love, while carrying emotional baggage. What is the cause of this problem? It has to be serious; after all, it happens so often to so many women. I believe it’s because we don’t really know what love is.

We hear and see the word “love” thrown around all over the place. I love music, I love “love songs”, and I’m sure most of us do. However, love is not defined by Ne-yo, T-Pain, and definitely not by Chris Brown. What we see on “Sex and the City” and “Grey’s Anatomy” is not love either. If you want to find out what love is, get a Bible, because that’s where true love is described. In 1 John 4:8, it says that “The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” That means a man cannot truly love you unless he knows God, because this verse shows that somebody who does not know God does not truly love. Sisters, we cannot accept the lie that a man who does not know God is capable of loving you. It’s impossible.

There are more lessons in the Bible about love, the greatest one is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. It says “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…” What this means is that when you truly love someone, or if someone truly loves you, they will treat you this way more and more as their love for you grows more and more. This is the example for all of us to follow. Not the example of our mothers fathers or friends, but follow the example of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. He is love.

So my sisters, I want to challenge all of you to not settle for anything less than true love. If you know someone does not truly love you, do not allow the person to waste your time. Wait on God and allow Him to bring you your Adam, and you will be amazed at how well he will love you the way God intended. And most importantly, never forget that God loves you in all of these ways right now, and He always will, because He is love.

Tags: bible, emotional baggage, God, mr. right, true love

Where Have all the Good Men Gone?

Believe it or not, college is a place where a woman is very likely to meet “the one.” It makes sense because any man in college is on a great track to obtain an education and become successful, the type of man any woman would want. However, many young ladies on campuses worldwide have began to notice an interesting trend. As a woman on campus, one of the first observations I made was the ratio of women to men. Unfortunately, this is even most true on mostly black campuses. When I was preparing to go to school many adults told me about all of the eligible young black men who were going to be there.

However, on the day of registration I was unpleasantly surprised by the sea of boxers, baggy jeans and gangster outfits. This caused me to wonder, if these were the men in school and asked the ultimate question, “Where were all the eligible men?”

In the state of Alabama, where I attend school, there are more young black men in prison than there are in college. This statistic is a strong indicator of the rarity of eligible men. Too many times I have seen strong women who become broken down because of their relationships with weak men.

I would like to encourage you all that you are daughters of the King, which means you are princesses. Every single one of you is a piece of art, God’s masterpiece. I encourage you to never settle for less than you deserve; a man who is willing and able to love you completely and most importantly depending on God to be a model for loving you.

I know a lot of the time it might seem as though all the “good men” are taken, but if you wait on God, He will give you strength and He will bless you with a mate who will be better than you could ever dream of.

If God didn’t withhold His Son from you, why would He deprive you of a good husband, as long as that is what is good for you?

Women, ladies, princesses, don’t despair, and don’t fret, but let God find you a mate in His time. He promises that if you wait on Him, He will bless you with someone greater than you could ever dream of!

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, saith the LORD.” Isaiah 55:8

Tags: black campuses, black men, eligible men, good men, strong women, weak men

The Beauty of Accents

As African women we all have something that sets us apart from one another; accents are no exception to that fact. My sophomore year in high school was the start of a trying phase in my life. Migrating to the United States from Ghana, West Africa, at the age of 15 was a huge transition. Tenth grade, where I was placed, impacted me greatly as well as contributed to the difficulties I faced regarding my accent. 

One main challenge was experienced within the classroom setting: Having to read out loud or speak in front of my peers and teachers was a dead give away that I was different. It was embarrassing and hurtful to not fit in and having to repeat most of what I said over and over. All I wanted was to be accepted, to fit in and be treated like everyone else. Being a teenager at the time also made the situation worse And my perceived solution was not any better: I resorted to talking less in school to avoid being noticed and worked extra hard to eliminate my natural accent in hopes of picking up or switching to the more popular ‘American’ accent. I thought, “Why be singled out when I could just try to fit the immediate norm?”

Like myself I believe many African women share in the same struggle. As women we want to be accepted for who we are and what we have to offer. Accent is one of the attributes that sets each of us apart, at least culturally anyway. How would it be if everyone talked and sounded the same? I dare to say our surrounding, work place, church or even circle of friends would be a very boring and plain environment. 

What I have learned from my experience is to not allow anyone to define who I am as a person or woman. 

Embrace your accent with pride. Allow yourself to love yours as well as others’. Being different is beautiful and it adds flavor to your individuality.  The different accents African women possess are solid proof that no two women are the same. Let us speak with our heads held high. Let us learn to accept and love our individual accents. This is a journey and with each day we grow into the women we are destined to be. You are the best you could ever be; love your accent!

Tags: accents, african women, american accent, ghana, individual accents, west africa