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Do not be a Stranger,
Keep in Step With You
BY Linda A. Annan
Motivating one's self can sometimes be a very difficult thing, especially with many things going on in different areas of your life. There are some women who desire to do so much with themselves but are unable to; usually a lack of confidence or motivation to blame. Each woman has a different source of inspiration; while some may rely exclusively on themselves to carry out their drive, others depend on a much higher power, God; then there are those who fuse both sources to attain an outcome. But what if you are neither of these women? How and where do you begin to take steps toward a self-motivated life that encourages progressive movement?
Most women are great at spelling out their weaknesses and working on being “better” in areas they believe need transformation. They spend time working on these setbacks hoping to perfect themselves, not to say it is wrong to do so, but most of the times these actions leave them helpless, plummeting into darker shadows of self-pity and perhaps depression.
Have you ever questioned why your focus is skewed more toward your weaknesses than your strengths? Can you recall the last time you dedicated time to distinguishing your strengths from your weaknesses? Have you ever even acknowledged their existence? In the last year what things have you been able to accomplish that you can rightfully state you are proud of? Authors Jack Canfield, Mark Hansen, and Stephanie Marston promote this path of reflection in a self-assessment book that encourages women to acknowledge qualities by listing strengths, talents and positive attributes they possess to get a better understanding of how to use their gifts.
These questions allow you to define yourself, as an individual; it is impossible to know your true self without an understanding of your strengths. Identifying your strengths as a woman moves you a step closer to finding yourself and knowing who you are. Your traits are cannot be defined by your social status, your choice of profession or any maternal stereotypes applied by society. Your qualities should be categorized by your priorities and what you love and value most in life. Taking undaunted steps toward discovering these things irrespective of what others may think of you thereafter is a starting point. Expressing your desires and having the courage to display them give others the chance to appreciate you for who you are and not what they might think you are. This stage of self-awareness nurtures your sense of confidence; coupled with a knowledge and acceptance of your strengths and positive qualities help you to believe in yourself and leave no room for crippling thoughts. Canfield, Hansen and Marston suggest getting into the habit of asking yourself: what is most important to you? And what are your deepest yearnings, dreams and hopes?
Like Socrates once said, “The life which is not examined is not worth living.” Life is like a narrative with a moral at the end of each chapter. You can approach it as one looking to leave each section with a challenging message of self-examination, or you can choose to read with no intention of introspection afterward. If you never allow yourself to learn from your life experiences in the hopes of applying them in the future, you deprive yourself of getting to know you and having a connection with yourself . There is a difference between learning from your experiences and actually making the effort to be proactive about them. Allowing yourself to be transformed by your struggles in life is like allowing yourself to be disciplined at a boot camp that encourages you to know you better. But just as boot camp proves to be unproductive for individuals who choose to disobey the rules, so does your life become when you choose to view your experiences as just what they are and not lessons to be taken seriously. For instance, someone faced with an issue of forgiveness may choose not to have compassion and move on without ever approaching the matter again; this person deprives his/herself of discovering something about them. However, if the situation is handled with a desire to learn something, the individual is able to see and understand what the issue was meant to unearth about who they are.
Approaching situations from a constructive perspective can sometimes be difficult, not to say overwhelming for the person with no desire to think positively of themselves.
Though this self-evaluation process may seem like a lot of work it need not be if you decide to have fun with it. One important and exciting way to start is by taking care of yourself. This does not only include exercising and eating well but also treating yourself to, say, a day at the spa. If you cannot afford to do so, buy yuzu fruit, grapefruit, orange or tangerine and add the peeled strips to your bathwater just for a moment of relaxation to soothe your senses. Remember the old-fashioned bubble bath indulgent treat? It is an excellent mood enhancer as well. If for some reason you cannot participate in any of these indulgences, try relaxing to your favorite scented candle and have a “me” time in solitude.
Another decision to start making is turning away from destructive or unhealthy sources of help in moments of loneliness, pain and hardships. Find positive ways to boost up your self-confidence with what you know about you and your worth, not with men, sex, or alcohol.
Reflect on your priorities; if you cannot think of any at the top of your head, start by writing out what is most important to you in life, it helps to keep you motivated and deflects your gaze to a more focused one.
Self-empowerment and motivation can be very difficult places to reach regardless of the existence of a support system; this is because the only person who can take the steps to arrive there is you and no one else. Start today by taking care of yourself in the different ways mentioned in this piece and see how it could help you.
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